My God

A lovely family in our “parenthood” circle of friends just found out that the father has terminal cancer.

They have 4 children and 1 on the way.

I pray for a miracle.  Beyond that, I have no words.

Not Safe For Work

You’ve been warned:

Year of Desire

I’ve said it elsewhere, and now I proclaim it to the world:  My motto for 2009 is Own It!

It’s such a great, all-encompassing philosophy.  Not only does it require you to grow up and accept/deal with stuff you don’t like, but it gives you permission — nay, it commands you to claim, use, and work the stuff you do.  I think yearly resolutions tend to focus too much on the former and not enough on the latter.  There comes a time in life when you pull on your big girl panties, set your sights on what you want, and get out of your own damn way.

Of course, first you have to actually know what you want.  Seems simple, but it’s easy to lose sight of, especially as life warps and changes around you… one’s wishes can mutate too, and it’s important to recognize it when that happens.  I think it would behoove us all to re-assess our desires every so often, and New Year’s seems a good time to take stock.   Note I didn’t say goals, I said desires.  With goals, it’s too easy to fall into, “oh, I should do this, or I should be that, or I should work harder on thus-and-such.”

No. Fuck that.  Done with it.

What do you really, from the loftiest and most idealized eschelon of your best nature, to the deepest and most voracious taproot of your id, truly want?  Think about it.  Write it down — you don’t have to plan to pursue it, but acknowledge it.

Now, among those desires, are there any that would be dishonorable to pursue?  Not just outside your comfort zone, in an “oh, that’s not me, I’m just not that kind of person” way, but truly something that would infringe upon another person’s rights and liberties?  If so, own the fact that you want it, own the fact that you’re too good to pursue it, and move on.

I bet the list is still pretty juicy.  Start planning.  Some things will be out of your control, but get buckwild creative on anything you can influence.  Ignore the fact that some of these desires just don’t fit your mental image of yourself.  Shake things up and Own It!

I’ve spent chunks of my life waiting for people to tell me I’m awesome, ask me what I want, and encourage me to pursue it.  Why did it never before now occur to me that I am, by default, the best authority on these matters?

Own It.

Here are my Desires for 2009.  Some of them are significant, some are trivial, but all will make me a more vibrant and  interesting person, if only to myself.  And since I’m the one that’s gotta live with me 24/7, that’s not so trivial in the long run.

• A house with adequate storage space on 5 acres of land.
• Physical strength, endurance, and overall ease of movement.
• Luscious long hair (that may not be fulfilled until 2019, but that’s okay).
• Frequent musical practice with an astonishing increase in skill — and someone to jam with.
• A completed work of fiction, lavishly praised by devoted readers.
• Greater organization skills.
• Lots more energy.  LOTS.
• More sex.  Yeah, I said it right out loud.
• To harvest something I plant.  Anything.
• Frequent fun outings with the kids.
• Self-respect through accomplishment (this covers a lot).

I think that’s plenty to work with for one year.  There are other things I want, but they don’t pass the Honor Test, so I’ve put them to rest.  I’ll blog in more detail about some of these listed desires in later posts.  Tonight, it’s enough to get them down.

A Joyful, Abundant New Year to All!  2009 will rock hard-core.  I survived 2008 — I am awesome!  And so are you.

Own It!

Victory!

In the time it took for all of Love, Actually to play in the DVD player, I weeded out and organized every dang toy in our possession.  Goodwill is getting a hefty last-minute Christmas donation, and we now actually have somewhere to put the contents of those wrapped parcels under the tree.  I have been wanting to get this done for MONTHS.

I doubt they’ll miss a thing (well, one thing, but it was broken and drove me nuts), and now maybe they can actually find what they want to play with for the first time in a year.

I still feel pretty materialistic when I look at 6 Rubbermaid bins full of toys (I’m just grateful that the lids fit on again), but that’s because I’m comparing my kids’ possessions to, say, Laura Ingalls’.  Compared to our present-day friends, I guess our haul is fairly modest.

And hey, less to pack in the coming months, right?

Pssst

Look in the sidebar under “Feedback Whore.”  I’ve got 9 chapters of this story written, and I’ve gained just enough distance to see all the flaws that make a newbie perfectionist want to throw in the towel.  Is anyone the teensiest bit curious to find out what happens next?  I  can thrive on crumbs, truly!

In the Immortal Words of Juno

“Ow, ow, fuckity ow!”

My poor friend Beth threw out her back and has been laid up in bed for almost two weeks.  I know what that feels like — it happened to me right after Wakko was born, and it SUCKS.  Sucks worse for her, because she has 3 kids and is 5 months pregnant.  So I went over to her house Tuesday to help out.  Between trying to tidy up for her here and there and wrangling our collective kids…  I threw my back out.

NOT as badly as hers, thank God.  But this Limited Mobility During the Morning Hours shit is getting old.  Heh.  Mass Bathtime probably tipped the scales, but it was a hoot.  Five kids in an oversized tub — it was a very Norman Rockwell moment.

Things to do after I post this:

1. Pop another ibuprofen.
2. Take a warm shower.
3. Smear on some Biofreeze and get on with the day.

I really need to find a new massage therapist.  Mine moved to Alabama this summer. 

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

Yesterday, dearest Aunt B watched the kids for a few hours (in the afternoon, mind you), and I got massive errands done.  Went to the bank, went to the UPS Store (oh UPS store, how I love you.  I will gladly pay the reasonable packing/shipping fee to have someone else carefully box up my breakable cargo), went to the Dementors’ lair WalMart and finished up the last of the Santa shopping.  Stockings will be stuffed with play-doh and peanut-butter cups and Narnia DVDs, aw yeah.  This will be the last year that Yakko believes in Santa Clause, and I’m glad we have stockings this time.  Then I went to the post office and managed to wheedle my package from them, even though I’d forgotten my “unable to deliver” slip.  Victory!

I need to wrap a few presents for nephews tonight, and then I think I’m done with mandatory Christmas prep.  Such a great feeling.  Perhaps we’ll decorate cookies this afternoon.

Tonight I plan to hang out with Berry and knit (if it’s cool enough) and watch cheesy vampire soap operas.  Kaluha may figure into the evening too.

Sweltering

80F with over 50% humidity for the next week, WTF.  I refuse to turn on the AC in December.  My kids are running around the house naked, and I’m jealous.

How am I supposed to knit with alpaca in this weather?  I got about 3 inches of Cozy started in KnitPick’s Andean Silk (Barn Red) last week, and I was loving the feel of it.  Right now, I wouldn’t touch it with tongs.

It’s supposed to be cool again by Christmas, thank heavens.

Oh my, that’s next week, isn’t it?  Perhaps I should get those packages put together and shipped.  Gourd, I hate running errands.  Ooo!  My favorite aunt is taking me shopping tonight.  Maybe I can sweet-talk some babysitting out of her for tomorrow afternoon, so I can do the errands without little voices saying, “Mooooommm, this is booorrring!”  Can’t fault their observations.

Then we’ll make some Christmas cookies.  Much more fun.    Maybe cut out some more snowflakes, too — I don’t think we made enough of a mess the first time!

Meh.

Google maps missed.  The nice house with the privacy fence was a block down from the actual house for rent.

Both houses were smaller than our house in town, for more money per month.

Pokermon and I had a nice afternoon driving around the towns to see what was what, but we don’t have a winner yet.

Time will tell.

Antici…

…pation!

Pokermon and I are meeting with a realtor on Saturday to look at 2 houses for rent in the quaint historical towns just north of here. They’re actually in our price range (barely) and allow pets.  Option 1:

3 bedrooms, 1 bath, block home within walking distance to downtown ***, modern kitchen, living room, laundry room/utility room with washer and dryer included, wall-to-wall carpeting throughout, central heat and air, open patio, separate out building

What is “separate out building?”  A shed?  Ick to the carpeting, but whatever, I’m used to it.  Not too sure about the 1 bathroom with a family of 4, but hey, we still have the kids’ training potty for emergencies.    Besides, that would mean only one bathroom to clean.  Dadgum I hate cleaning the bathroom.  On the plus side, the location is an easy distance to several gorgeous public springs.  Option 2:

3 bedroom, 2 bath, newly renovated block home within walking distance of downtown ***, modern eat-in kitchen with dishwasher, laundry room with washer and dryer, hardwood floors, central heat and air, carport, fenced yard

If I’m guessing the right house from the google-maps street view, it’s a privacy fence.  That’s good. One of my primary criteria for housing at this point is that I have to be able to send the boys outside to play (intermittently supervised, of course) without worrying that they’ll be run over, kidnapped, or mauled by dogs. The hardwood floors sound dreamy.

I’ve been so tempted to throw the kids in the car and drive up to sneak a peek, but I’ve resisted the urge. If the places are sucking pits, I don’t want to know it yet. Let me hold on to the fantasy that I could have an actual linen closet this time next month.

I’ve driven through these towns many times, but I don’t know anything about the residential areas. It’s a little unsettling to think of moving blindly into an unknown neighborhood, but I’m still excited about the possibility.

Guess that’s all I have to say about that. Updates on Saturday night.

Speaking of anticipation though, I just got e-mail confirmation that Yakko’s Christmas present has shipped. I can hardly wait to play with it.

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